Heartaches

Heartaches are messy.
Especially the ones involving misunderstandings.

Thankful and Happy

It's not happy people who are thankful;
It's thankful people who are happy.

Greed

Why that urge to stuff 
as much of you 
as much as I can
inside my head and heart, 
my thoughts and soul?

Love sunk, again!

When I fell in love with a song, I always tried to translate it and quenched my thirst. If I loved it so dearly, I also wrote about it. And now, even though I have not written about this song as yet, and I am going to write about it now, I am not sure if the respect for this song is going to die down so easily… Honestly, I am so madly in love with this song that I am feeling so bad that I cannot translate it one more time!

Out of the blue, the thought to listen to it and make it fill my senses bloomed on a very tired night, when I was trying to keep a guard on myself and that is something that I am not going to talk about here, because it is going to be out of context. In fact, the song actually managed to hijack my concentration from a thing that has been holding my mind captive for days together now. However, without much digression, let me say the song that I am talking about. But before I plunge, I must say that music and writing has again come to my rescue.

The translation was dated Nov 23, 2011. The rediscovery is happening almost 5 years later. And I just discovered that I had written, ‘Childlike Joy’, when I had attempted to translate this song then. No wonder…! Well, I am talking about my fondness for this song.

So what is so special about this song? OK. So which song is it that is robbing me of much needed sleep… It is ‘Kadhal Vaithu’ from the movie, Deepavali.

First off, I think it is the verses, and the next two things that would go in hand would be the voice and the music. I am not really going to talk about the lyrics here because I think I have done justice to it. So, the next best thing is the voice. Vijay Yesudas literally dignifies this song despite a few shortcomings that exist in every song, which are a few necessary evil things, either to fill the time and space, and the void. He is so sincere, so matter of fact, so soaked in love, elated, so endearing and passionate, in that order from the moment he starts singing first word of the song. And then he goes off in the tone of a story teller, and then becomes a person who is so love sunk. And then, the music takes off…

The simple guitar chords that begin the song, the amazing violin in the early to the middle portion of the song, the sarangi in the later half, the brief and subtle piano at the end, and the closing violin that signs off the song epitomizes the way a composer can use the instruments so flawlessly.

Amazing!

Dated: Feb 16, 2016

Move on!

I was looking for 'move-on' quotes and here are some of them that I liked:

One of the hardest parts of life is deciding whether to walk away or try harder.
~Unknown

Moving on is hard.
Knowing when to move on is harder.
~Unknown

I am proud of my heart.
It's been Played, Stabbed, Cheated, Burned, and Broken.
But somehow...
It still works!
~Unknown

You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go...
~Dr. Seuss


At some point you will realize that you have done too much for someone, that the only next possible step to do is to stop.
Leave them alone.
Walk away.
It's not like you're giving up,
and it's not like you shouldn't try.
It's just that you have to draw the line of determination from desperation.
What is truly yours will eventually be yours,and what is not,
no matter how hard you try,
will never be.
~ Unknown

A quarter in my mind

Words of the quarter:

Euphoria
Addiction
Delirium
Therapies
Realization
Learning
Positioning
Placidity

The sweet thorn

You were that sweet thorn
That I could touch on and on
And I hate to say that
It is not so...
Anymore.

I am ready

The resurgent and rejuvenated me is ready
To lock horns with the raging bull...
called l i f e
dot

Sleepless

You illuminated my sleep 

with your memories,

and made the minutes of those sleepless hours

the switches to turn off the light.

OK... So, there may not be a parallel, but then the fact is that this post is certainly an inspiration of the following verses in the song, 'Thalli pogathey' from Acham Yenbadhu Madamaiyada...

Nagarum... nodigal...

Thasaiadi pole

Mudhugin mela

Vizhuvadhinale...

Vari vari kavidhai.


And my attempt to translate just that bit, an impromptu one...

The ticking seconds lash my flesh.

It pares the skin over my spine.

And so...

I write these streaks of verses.

Thanks to lyricist Thamarai for her beautiful verses!

Euphoria

You are the...

Thought—

the first one in my mind—after the sun blooms.

Smile

that creeps amidst the dispirited chores.

Sensation

that my feet feels on the beach.

Rhythm

in my spirited morning run.

Reason

for the verses in my poem.

Music

that I decide to play in loop.

Memory

that fills all my senses.

Feeling

when I talk to a long-seen best friend.

Euphoria

that the music I looped creates in my mind.

Translation of Mazhai Vara Pogudhe from Yennai Arinthal

There she comes, the rain.
And now, she begins to shower.
Would it do to not get soaked?

The flower garden is closing in.
And now, the place is oozing with charm.
Would it do to not get lost?

My heart floats
like the cloud-like soft cotton,
What do I do to redeem it?
I wonder to whom would it listen!

With her sea-like eyes 
she tranced me.
I have already gone lost,
and yet, it is all for good.

A bit on the fire, 
a bit on the river,
unsure and still, stands my heart.

With her dark eyes, 
the doe-eyed keeps stabbing me,
and yet,
the pain has such sweetness.

She asks me to live in,
in her dimpled cheek.
What a priceless boon
for a lifetime!

She dropped by when the moon slept in the clouds, 
and I was drawn deep in my dreams.
And yet, when she left, 
she never bothered to caress me.

The eyes would not shut
and the sleep would not arrive.
She named it love,
and blessed me abundantly with it.

She nears, and my heart goes ahead.
She goes, and my heart goes behind...
My heart! You are so stuffed with her memories.

Keep the eyes of the butterfly shut,
and yet, it still reaches the flower.
What about the rain?
It does have to reach the earth.

Where you stand, 
there reaches my eyes.
I am so fixated that you walk back and forth, 
and my heart just keeps vacillating merrily.

You... 
are the swaying peacock,
with your tail on my shoulders...
I would watch it trail by, 
all my life.

Mazhai Vara Pogudhe from Yennai Arindhal

After quite a long time, a song has caught me unawares, made me get hooked to it for its casualness, coolness, the romance in it, verve, and for its amazing lyrical quality.

Thamarai never fails to amaze me with her brilliance. She is just amazing! The song has the feel that the Ennai Konjam song from Kaakha Kaakha gave. The structure of the song and the way Karthik has sung the song kind of reminds me of the Karka Karka song in Vettaiyadu Vilayadu. However, it still has some very unique elements like the part where the lady hums and the veenai bit plays the second fiddle, and yet, it is the veenai that you strain and yearn to hear more. The veenai kind of reminds you of the striking way in which it was used in the Uyirin Uyire song in Kaakha Kaakha. But then, the pleasing undertones in this one just draws you in... And, looks like Harris has still not forgotten the guitar background that features in the 'Love at First Sight' song by Kylie Minogue. Kinda the same guitar bit that appears in the Manjal Veyil song in Vettaiyadu Vilayadu.

All said, Mazhai Vara Pogudhe is a beautiful song from the team. And when I say 'team', how can I miss talking about the visual? It has a real charm to it--the way the couple starts off with an SMS and ends with a beautiful romance bit. None to beat Gautham Menon for the way he makes the visuals for his songs. Of course, should I even say about the pair... This one, for sure, is such a beauty and would stay etched in the memories for quite some time now.

Translation of Mazhai Vara Pogudhe from Yennai Arindhal... Coming soon!

Music

I listen to music to beat my blues...

P.S.: Funny I just realized there is so much music even in that sentence that I just wrote!

After a long time!

Playing in loop: Just the way you are, by Bruno Mars.

Amazing is just not the word!

Emotion and Writing

At times, there are changes that warn you, worry you, and overwhelm you. And by the time it is all finished, you feel so spent. And then there are changes that are so subtle that you realize that things have changed only after everything is over.

The way things change in one’s life without any notice is such a mystery. And either ways, you are so disturbed that you become so sleepless by the event. And either ways, when you expel the emotion by writing, it certainly does a lot of good. It is better that way, because you become a much more composed person having tamed the beast called emotion.

You can pour it out on someone; but then, how much ever you talk about it, the intensity just does not abate, and at times, it grows on you and batters you.

Writing certainly tames your mind. As you spend time on writing, you get to take control of the situation and drive the outcome, rather than being a victim of the outcome.

So, w r i t e!

A Missive To Rain

Dear rain,

I know that you were furious and out of mind the last time you came out and played in the field. But then, I thought it was all over and you were never going to play the same nasty game again. 

This time around, you have misbehaved so badly, acted like a drunkard and caused so much fear and calamity out of the rampage act, that we folks out here have now begun to fear the word, 'rain'.

Now... hold on. I also hear that it is not you who did all this damage, but some of the folks who had feared you and in return, had to act recklessly. 

So, even then, you are not the one to blame, are you?

Anyways, even otherwise, you did act like a savage, throttling your enemy, the drain channel openings. Literally, the only thing I did not see come out of the drain hole were the two hands that would scream for help. Except for that, it was picture perfect--I did see them breathless and call for help.

And your other partner in crime, the man-made calamity... That was terrible. You seem to have annulled the concept of civilization--the aspect of separating  good water and bad water. And you seemed very good in practicing communism (everyone having the same needs and everyone having the same level of access to essential things). 

Well, you also clearly helped distinguish the bad from the good, opportunists from the altruists, and the selfish from the selfless.

Well... what else do I say. Yeah. The stone-age kind of life that we led in those days where there was no electricity, no internet, no phone, no interaction with the outside world, and that family to themselves, eating in the light of lamps and candles, lots of book time with the children, interactions during dinner time and otherwise, making the children go to sleep at 8 pm with no AC or fan.

The cars! You made funny situations where it was so ridiculous when I heard that for my car that was worth 4 lakhs, the estimate repair cost was 6 lakhs! How can that possibly be? So the sum of all parts of an entity is now greater than the cost of the entity. @Aristotle, I need a counter for this.


Parting Note:
For all capacity that you have to make beauty bloom in all its splendor, you showed that you also are capable to devastate and act as a savage... 

Kudos! Long live!


Yours,
reNUka

y o u

You are that sweetness
in your endearing and addictive
'I Love You's'.

Fear

Fear and worry clouds my head
when I do not keep in touch 
with you 
and
your ailment.

I am often left feeling guilty
and get distressed
When I imagine the situation
where
I would be told about you

instead of hearing you...

A prayer

I need the premonition,
rather than the news.

I need a premonition
like... 
you are irrevocably ill,
rather than hear the news
that you are no more.

And, I know I am being 
so very pathetic
by praying so.

You

You are the movement 
between our firmly affixed numb hands 
that provides the reaffirmation.