Conversations with Someone and Self

 

Dear someone,

I wonder why I say so much

Am I starved or are you delicious

Are you therapeutic or do I need attention, 

or maybe, I wanted to just talk to someone

Why should I know, I wonder…

I think of the merit in the friendship

Or what if after sometime I discover

That our core values don't match 

And regret having wasted time of both

Or disclosed too much

Would I have said so much

If you were of the other gender

If you were not light skinned

If you did not look pleasant

If I didn't have the luxury of 

both your time and my time

Why am I so analytical about it

Am I impatient, seeking sympathy, 

or asking for answers

Along the way, I also wonder about intentions

For that matter, everyone's intentions, and

the process of making friends…

Is my process flawed?

I go back to my past with guilt 

of picking friends with benefits 

But everyone does, don't they?

Well, let's see what it takes…

When we are young, 

we like our acquaintances for some odd reasons

We do a lot of talking, goofing around, 

and doing things together, in repetition, day after day

We hardly notice that it has been unfolding, 

all the while, unawares

And, like magic… friends just happen

Later on, it's friends for life, if it stands the test of time.

We may get to notice the flaws, but don't mind them, 

or work around it

When we are in midlife,

We rush past our lives and attend only to priorities

We give no space for the magic to happen

We hardly have the time to talk to the someones

We are also afraid, and wary of getting hurt

We don't make an attempt in the fear of shame, 

or the suffering of betrayal or of losing them

Or, are too self-absorbed in our mundane lives

So what do we do…

When the setting to make friends is unfamiliar 

or the setting is completely lost or absent

When our conscious self is adept

at noticing the other's  interests, problems, values, views

And it dwells on likes and prejudices,

making the space between the two to dissolve or increase

And only wants to flock with the ones of the same feather 

So, it's ok, if all of it does not align

It helps to be aware that there are different ways 

of getting to know people

And works well if we are open to experiences

It's ok to have conversations with the someones…

As long as we are kind to each other 

and know that we want nothing from the other

So, let's let our guard down as many times 

as we had to pull them up in the past 

And for as many times, when there's a chance 

for light to shine on our life which at times runs pale

for there is nothing to lose in this transient realm 

for there's no sure way to know more of the someones

Inside us and otherwise.

~ 04Jun25 to 03Jul25