Parenting

 

If you buy a dog

and expect someone else

to walk, to play with it 

and teach the tricks

Then, isn’t it unreasonable 

to ask unconditional love from it

Of course connection is love 

and it compounds with

the amount of time invested

~ 12 Jul 25

Relationship Advice

You may come across people who like the same things as you do. 

But don't be misled into taking that for being like-minded. 

It can lead to a lot of miscommunication.

~ 12 Apr 2025

A Family - Not Be Like

 

I am the mother of our offsprings

I can make food and take good care But I am not your lover I am the provider for our family

I can make money and buy things But not be your lover ~ 14Jul25

Knowing Self

 

When you perceive 

what you are going through 

And are thoroughly

confused about it

You are fixated in getting

an understanding 

of the situation, and which

in part is also about yourself

After a few days of rumination

And practicing Rilke’s idea

of living the question

You put it on paper, accept, 

surrender, and let go. 

As progress, 

it cracks a part of the code 

You then decide you must 

take it to the oracles and 

later also to the someones 

who are partly involved in it

And they all look at you

without the judgemental eyes

Accept you for what you are

and validate your feelings

You realise and get affirmed 

that you are not out of range

And certainly are in the hands

of the someone safe

Then the right phrase for it

presents itself and brings a 

new dimension, and unknots

the remains of the confusion 

That there is a ‘charm’ 

in a new friendship

amidst life's other hardships

And it can bring such calm

It helps you understand

a part of yourself 

which you never have been

able to decode 

The ‘word’ certainly 

tends to multiply

to let bliss into your life.

~ 06Jul25

Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.

~ Rainer Maria Rilke

Conversations with Someone and Self

 

Dear someone,

I wonder why I say so much

Am I starved or are you delicious

Are you therapeutic or do I need attention, 

or maybe, I wanted to just talk to someone

Why should I know, I wonder…

I think of the merit in the friendship

Or what if after sometime I discover

That our core values don't match 

And regret having wasted time of both

Or disclosed too much

Would I have said so much

If you were of the other gender

If you were not light skinned

If you did not look pleasant

If I didn't have the luxury of 

both your time and my time

Why am I so analytical about it

Am I impatient, seeking sympathy, 

or asking for answers

Along the way, I also wonder about intentions

For that matter, everyone's intentions, and

the process of making friends…

Is my process flawed?

I go back to my past with guilt 

of picking friends with benefits 

But everyone does, don't they?

Well, let's see what it takes…

When we are young, 

we like our acquaintances for some odd reasons

We do a lot of talking, goofing around, 

and doing things together, in repetition, day after day

We hardly notice that it has been unfolding, 

all the while, unawares

And, like magic… friends just happen

Later on, it's friends for life, if it stands the test of time.

We may get to notice the flaws, but don't mind them, 

or work around it

When we are in midlife,

We rush past our lives and attend only to priorities

We give no space for the magic to happen

We hardly have the time to talk to the someones

We are also afraid, and wary of getting hurt

We don't make an attempt in the fear of shame, 

or the suffering of betrayal or of losing them

Or, are too self-absorbed in our mundane lives

So what do we do…

When the setting to make friends is unfamiliar 

or the setting is completely lost or absent

When our conscious self is adept

at noticing the other's  interests, problems, values, views

And it dwells on likes and prejudices,

making the space between the two to dissolve or increase

And only wants to flock with the ones of the same feather 

So, it's ok, if all of it does not align

It helps to be aware that there are different ways 

of getting to know people

And works well if we are open to experiences

It's ok to have conversations with the someones…

As long as we are kind to each other 

and know that we want nothing from the other

So, let's let our guard down as many times 

as we had to pull them up in the past 

And for as many times, when there's a chance 

for light to shine on our life which at times runs pale

for there is nothing to lose in this transient realm 

for there's no sure way to know more of the someones

Inside us and otherwise.

~ 04Jun25 to 03Jul25

Wishes on Your B'day

 

Here are some flowers 

(read words) on your birthday!

To set a poem on a person

for a good long time I've known

is not so much fun

I fear that my mind might 

pluck some and leave some 

of our thoughts in my garden

For this same reason, 

I am not so good 

at farewell speeches

‘cos I am convinced that

the memories we've made

are enough

And to summarise 

indicates an end… Perhaps, 

I am shy and superstitious

But if I wish to send love

to someone far

words are all that I have

So, in the pretext of wishing 

you and your beautiful mind, 

I slip in a wish for me as well

that we continue our good run 

in picking each other's brain

~ 27 Jun 2025

Is it Me or Is It You

 

Everytime I see you, 

I ask myself:

how can I possibly look 

eye to eye and smile at you

Despite me, despite you

and despite all that we've

done to each other

And then, 

I remember the time…

Ages ago,

how I had looked at you 

so lovingly for a while,

while your attention 

was elsewhere

And it all made sense

just when I read a poet say:

When you take a long, loving

look anywhere, you feel more

bonded with whatever you've

looked at.

~ 25Jun25

And then what?

Not being pessimistic, but

things did come into perspective

When I was living my days 

through questions of overwhelm,

and self-doubt, and I asked myself: 

and, then what?

I have to mention, 

my life got much simpler.

In fact, it has ever been so,

after I started asking:

yeah, so what?

Note to Self: 

Later, I realized why the question ‘And, Then What’ made so much sense. It is a modified, short-term, immediate version of death or impermanence meditation (aka Tryambakam Mantra). Of which, apparently, I seem not to have understood the practicality of it, though I have been reciting it often. In other words, I knew the meaning that death is inevitable and when death comes I need to accept it without resistance because that is the way of life. However, I did not know how to apply, or when to apply, and on what to apply.

Accepting death of self is fine, of others is to an extent fine. And death is a grave concept, and is also not something that we experience in our everyday lives. But then there is grief along with death, which is not attachment per se; grief is a human aspect, like how to love is to be human. To deal with grief is somehow greater than dealing with the concept of death or detachment. Somehow, even though we have conceptualised death very well, or say that we need to imagine or remember it so as to prepare for it, when it comes to dealing with death and grief practically, the gap is too huge. Unless one goes through it, there is no way to get acquainted with it. Anyways...

Death aside, there are greater aspects of detachment that one needs to be acquainted with, in everyday life. The obvious ones such as material detachment are easy to deal with; but the unusual suspects that you get attached to unawares is the problem area. These are aspects such as people, habits, and places. That is where the ‘And, then what’ question helped me. For example, if we do so, then what... And then, after a few months, will it matter at all? Are you going to feel the same way after a year?

~ 05Jun25

Let's Be Flowers

 

Clearly, I can see

You want to ask me, 

your new friend,

Why I say so much 

without any inhibition?

May be I am audacious.

But, I don't mind the cost

of being brushed

in the hope of letting

something blossom

My point is…

Why not more fragrance

in a world that's decaying

~ 25May25

Bittersweet

You were like my love for coffee 

that I picked late in life

I loved the sweetness, 

but it came at some cost 

After denial came acceptance

of the fact that I cannot take you

with your innate bitterness.

So, I had no choice but to let go.

But that I still love coffee 

is also undeniable. 

As is with you.

So, I won't mind bearing you,

with ‘a pinch of’ sugar, 

which is just occasionally.

Certainly, now the wrestling

in my mind is settled.

Can I call this closure?

If yes, it did take a while…

Peace, now!

~ 10 Apr 2025

Puncture

My torn heart 

lets your words of yesteryears sew me

unaware that 

the needle eye is no more

~ 10Apr25

Terrace

 

You yearn for the warmth 

of a good friend’s house

that's aplenty of loving gestures 

But all you feel is the unwelcome 

coldness of solitude 

So, you meander through 

your sullenness

feeling the calmness of the

night sky above your head

And in minutes, you find solace

in the winds and the words that 

caress your tired body and mind

Isn't that proof enough

that one thing can be

substituted for another?

08 Apr 2025, 09:41 pm

Understanding People

 

A child is born out of the labour of love is a mix of chromosomes from both sides. Extending this physical phenomena over to the psychological concept of love: the love for a person is not just singularly because of the person being loved; it is in actual your perception of who they are, which is an interpretation of their personality by means of who you are or how you see them. So, you are in love with yourself and the other person, together, when you say you are in love with the other person.

And when it comes to understanding people, there are two sides to it: your side and theirs. There is their side of looking at you, and the reaction, both yours and theirs.

So, at any point in time, it is just a partial understanding between the two that drives the relationship. A partial understanding of who you are, who you are to them, and add to it a partial understanding of who they are to you.

And at any point in time, it is an imagined reality of the other person and their actions. Thanks to Ben Okri for articulating this so well, as well as the buddhist thoughts and concepts of what reality is.

Hence, there is never a complete understanding at any point in time; and it would take years, for even completely conscious beings who have this understanding of how fragile their understanding of each other can be, to be able to correlate each other’s actions. And add to it the effort it takes to come to terms with the other person's idiosyncrasies and shortcomings. That is indeed a lot of time!

So, if the person accepts or rejects or denies another person’s love, it is not entirely because of them or you; there is equal contribution from you and them.

~16 Feb 2025

Glad

 

You were the song in loop

That was all over me.

Now, I am over you.

~ 05 July 24

Mistakes, Purpose, and Grace

 

Grace means that all your mistakes now serve a purpose instead of serving shame.

~ Brené Brown

Usually, we feel shame or beat ourselves over the mistakes that we've realised as mistakes. Say for example, the parenting mistakes that we make and realise, through cause and effect as well as exploration. If we are courageous enough, we make sure that we (re)learn the right way, change our ways, and act accordingly. And when we tell and help other parents in need, by way of communicating effectively to not do the same mistakes we did, then there's purpose and gracefulness in that act; even if the acts of ignorance were shameful, when we act with the purpose of relearning and sharing what we know, there is grace in it.

~ 15Jun24

The Pastel Green Dress

 

This is about 

the anonymous dress of mine

that you totally disregarded 

and said is just not fine.

Yesterday, 

when I was hanging

the dress on the clothesline,

I thought I must let you know:

After all your cheeky remarks 

and my desperate defenses, and

for all the fun in the conversation 

that brimmed with lightness...

I would treasure the dress even more.

~ 29 feb 24

The Wall in my Head

 

At times, I run through our past,

our exchanges and interactions,

like how I would feel a pretty wall,

but with some bumps and cracks.

And for each incident

I keep guessing a probability 

of the cause of the distance.

At times, I say I've gone past 

our state of affairs, 

which seems like it was more of 

my mind playing tricks

based on my expectations

you never met, 

or never had to meet.

Did I 

misread enthusiasm as affection

mistake impulse for attention

misjudge disinterest as preoccupation

misinterpret indifference as silence 

It perhaps was...

A perspective that you never had

An angle that you never viewed us from

Perhaps, the wall is in my head.

Who can tell?

~ 12 Jan, 2024

Imposing

 

Perhaps, i overstepped 'cos

You were the candy store 

for the kid in me

You were my favourite teacher

for the diligent student in me

You were my history 

for all that I could rewrite

You were all those spent years

whose mistakes I could prevent

Now, tell me

Was I too imposing?

~ 12 Dec 23

Sing

 

You say I sing well

And ask me to,

Through a hole in the wall...

But then, you also 

are abound by mischief

'cos you tie my eyes

and ask me to seek the hole.

It's intriguing, i think.

I give it my all

I give it my soul

'cos i am still looking

through my heart.

But then, 

as time passes,

I get desperate.

Even more time passes.

The intriguing 

now becomes suffering.

And now, I start looking

through my mind.

It takes time

for me to realise

if it's mischief, a mistake, 

a mishap, or misanthropy.

I vaguely decide.

I stop searching.

I stop singing for a while.

I lose my voice.

I know it takes time,

And I keep waiting, hoping.

~ 11 Dec 23

Try

 

I keep trying

And you keep trying me

When will this duel end?

I know...

Until it becomes a total struggle.

And until I give up.

~10 Dec 23