Showing posts with label Ash. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ash. Show all posts

Wednesday, October 29, 2025

The Proof is in the Pudding

 

The little boy I knew

cared for all the bugs he knew

He would ask them to be handled safely

Though he’d see them later barely

He’d ask they not be hit

even the mosquitoes 

that gave him bad sores


He didn’t think twice

to cuddle me tight, or

press mine on to his face

He’d latch on to my back

without any reluctance

He’d ask for my hand 

before we slept

to squeeze his into mine


We’d play the nudge game

finding the patterns

and relaying them 

at the tips of our fingers

We’d go on and on, 

until sleep beseeched 

our tired end-of-day minds


These portals of playfulness 

were the proof of parenting

I thought so very proudly


Now, that he’s grown tall 

and gotten a teen mind

I miss the sweetness 

though the pudding is still mine



~ 12 Jul 25, 23 Jul 25


Friday, September 26, 2025

Quarantine and Teens

 

Well, this comparison came to me this morning: about my state of being when I was in COVID quarantine and dealing with a teenager. I know it would sell for a good meme, but since it's not my area of expertise though it may be something I would love to consume, I will just have to stick to writing it down.


Put on the masks aka Talk less

Maintain safe distance

Eat healthy

Sleep on time

Exercise for sure

Practice mindfulness aka yoga aka meditation


~ 06Apr25


Monday, August 25, 2025

Coconut

 

The coconut is 

like my hardheaded teenager.

I realise this after seeing 

the burning red mole-like scar 

on my little finger


This coconut that I held 

in my palm a few days ago 

And hit hard on its skull 

to get to the fruit...


As a retaliation, 

the split halves fought back 

to seal the crack,

biting my little finger

right at the circle of breach


~ Apr 28, 2023


Sunday, August 17, 2025

When

 

When my twelve year old son says

'Limit your visits

I would not like to be seen with you'

When to ignore and when to take cue

When to cry out loud when to reflect

When to act ignorant

And when to act arrogant

It's the same son 

to whom I was once

the apple of his eyes

Now he looks at me

as his provider and not a parent


~ 20 March, 2022

Friday, August 15, 2025

A Piece of Pleasure

 

I always try sugar as an antidote 

for something that is spice

But overtime, I realise that 

it must be time

in place of sugar 


In the park, I was walking over 

my thoughts, my botherations

and at one point, my heart,

unable to bear anymore,

felt it would just burst


What's the antidote?

If it's sugar for spice

then, for sorrow it's pleasure...

Pleasure of sweet soothing talk

with my friend.


But I could not,

for such was my urgency

What could then be

a substitute?

How about bamboo?


Along the park's pathway

for every crossing, I ran my palm 

over the trunk of 

a well-grown bamboo that's 

strong, pleasing, and sweet


And with every passing

step and minute

my thoughts were getting clear

like clarified butter: it seemed

to share a part of it's power...


Though I knew it was always

time that's the healer,

for keepsakes, I collected

a piece of bamboo,

to remember and treasure


And named it 

a piece of pleasure


~ 07 - 11 Mar, 2022


Thursday, August 14, 2025

Sledging


From a child to parent,

how much sledging

can a sane mind bear

until it breaks down?

Sledging, done in retaliation

to a parent's disciplining


Worst of times, 

the mind even thinks

if the mud-slinging 

done in disdain

is imagined or real, or

if it's worth the pain


How many cycles

of bend, break and build

do I endure

Until it gets totally insane

And until I say...


Do it to the him! 

Not me!


~ 06 Mar, 2022

 

Wednesday, August 13, 2025

Son in the Making

 

A mighty mountain

is built everyday

grain by grain

by sun and rain, and

by rest and resistance


So, everyday,

work bit by bit

nourish yourself with

food, water, and rest 

and put yourself to test 


06 Mar, 2022


Sunday, August 10, 2025

Teenage Rush


I have been a teenager twice

Long ago, when I was young girl


And now, 


As a pre-teen boy, 

who's going through 

the puberty pangs 

inside an all-grown-up 

mid-life crisis body

giving company to my son


I have come to conclude 

that it must be really difficult 

dealing with a parent 

who has a boy in his teens.



~ 05 March, 2022


Friday, August 01, 2025

What Am I Doing These Days

 

A long forgotten friend asked me 

what I was doing these days.

After a brief ponder, I say:


Am trying to lay my hands on, 

on all that's my bother.

Grasp it, and look closer.

At times, i wonder if it's my error.


I know I must break it down, and

define each bother, 

its characteristic

And then, think of a fix.


At times, I think, find, apply.

But fail, either because 

i don't know if it's the right path, 

Or because i don't persist.


And then, I blame myself

for holding things, or,

at times, I realise and let go.


At times, I wonder if I let go, 

Is it either at the wrong time

or the wrong thing.


~ Nov 24, 2021


Friday, July 25, 2025

Necrosis

 


Do you see, my dear boy,

the tendril of a climber

that clinged on to a 

growing neem so slender

has created a necrotic patch

just above the line of latch


I have been wanting to say

that I don't mean to 

trample your flow alike

when I lay a firm grip 

on your forearm, and 

on your growing senses

in such a not so nice way


I only try to keep you away

from an impending disaster,

or to avoid a tense moment, 

which sooner would be 

a cathartic exploration 

of each other's anger


Now that I am out of denial,

the neem so much reminds me 

of your growing mind

So, will you forgive me 

for the necrosis,

'cos it's always a struggle 

for a learning parent



~ Sep 06, 2021


Wednesday, December 15, 2021

The Fifth Monkey



There’s a tussle among the thoughts
Their quest is about
who must get thought about,
for how long and first.

These thoughts ace at striking me
just when I lay supine at night
They splash on my face
this handful of ice cold water
that I readily hold in my palms together.

I watch them in silence, and wonder:
how they flawlessly mimic
kids inside classrooms
waiting to run amok
at the ring of the relieving bells.

When I try to tame and distract,
there’s no harping or heeding.
Now I get it. No, they are not kids.
Like adolescents, they get better at it.

One after another, the adolescent me
fills the seats of the classroom,
and do just what they think.

While one of me thinks about
how much of a wonder a song is,
another one’s memory comes rushing in
fighting for my mind space,
and
I am already reeling out commentaries
about a recent song that
sets me on a trampoline
making me jump out of joy,
every time I listen to it, and
the other one that’s full of warmth
like a lover cuddling me
gently from behind, ear-to-ear,
resting their chin on my shoulder
when I am breathing in
the crisp, cold air on a breezy night.

Another of me now raises the hand
and recites an enticing analogy:
about the pleasures of finding
long-forgotten unsent notes
to a lover,
like that of seeing
misplaced, forgotten money
under folded, unused clothes.

A third one
points to the direction of my son
who murmurs, ‘no, I didn’t do it’,
in his sleep,
and makes me ponder
about how much of a bother
I have been to him.

Here comes version number four.
Who am I?
Where’s the missing euphoria, or,
was there even any such thing in me?
Guess I am just such a bore...

Around about the fifth hour
the fifth monkey sits up...
retching a papery white and blue
peppered with all these thoughts,
sweet and sour.

Like a good bout of vomit
throwing out the bad bile,
this poring act brought the relief
like the small pill that cures the ill,

And then came the sleep,
slow and still.


~ Jul 06

Friday, February 02, 2018

Your Beautiful Eyes


The steady flicker of your naive eyes
always marked by a carefree candour
that which feast on the world's wonder,
and drenching it
with an imagination so splendour

Is like

The flame of a divine lamp
that which drinks the ether around,
neither too fast nor too slow,
living its fullest life
in each moment of its lustrous glow.

Beautiful, isn't it, to see...
both dancing
to the song of a thanking ode,
for being blessed to just be?

Friday, April 27, 2012

I hope you learn




To reach home safely
even if 
you go behind butterflies,
chasing them with glee
and excitement.

To not fret and just think
even if
you have missed 
your one footwear
in the middle of a busy road.

To rise up from the earth
using your own hands, 
because
I may not be around every time,
to lift you.

To deal with annoyances
with a cool head
because 
you would only then find
which ones last or die,
and to put them to rest.

To find joyous playmates
because
play is knowledge 
camouflaged as fun,
and teaches sustenance
and selflessness.

To not sulk over trifles 
because
brooding is contagious 
but, experience 
can make a mountain 
out of a molehill.

To find solace in music
even if
you are hard of hearing
others and self,
because it anoints, 
soothes and heals.

To get to know books
because, even if 
you do not earn yourself much,
and when your friends 
are out of reach,

Books are precious assets,
And they make good friends.

Friday, February 24, 2012

Ash says 'a n n a'!


It has been more than a few attempts and months since I had tried to evoke some meaningful syllables out of my about to be two-year old son. I am making the gender clear here because, I have had too many folks telling me that a son gets to speak late in his toddler lifespan and it must not be too much of a worry.

I really thought they were all being careless and have often wondered how one can ever start speaking all of a sudden without starting on monosyllables. I believe that anything as huge as talking, really is as intricate and time-sensitive as the orchestrated act of sowing and reaping. Like how the entire cycle of sowing to reaping takes time, and the patience to instill faith in the system, self-belief, hard work, and hope, everything in this world including a toddler's speech developments needs all those—time and the patience.

The problem with Ash is that, even though he has it in him, whenever he gets conscious of someone trying to make him repeat something, he goes on a strike with just the syllable that he uses for expressing disapproval—‘ahnn…’. And then, any attempts, however innovative they may be it stands annul!

In spite of that, I have paved success in my attempts to get him out of his world of four words: amma, appa, papa, and kaah (for car). The other day, we played this game of ‘On-Off’—this game of teaching him how to switch on and off the TV toggle button.

Just a few days ago, as part of his night bed-time ritual, I had taught him the names of his fingers—the little finger, thumb, et al, and he knew what his thumb meant.

This time, when I had asked to use his thumb to press the button, he was excited to recollect it and had also asked him to say 'o n' and say 'o f f' before I allowed him to touch the button—the conditional play.

Though this conditional play has been around for some time, in most of the cases, he is too reluctant to pursue his interests, how much ever alluring they are. For example, if he wants me to play a song on the mp3 player, I would insist him to say 'paattu' or at least say 'p a a'. One day, he finally settled down to saying paa, which was only asking him to go just halfway afar, now that he had anyway said 'papa'.

So getting back to the 'On-Off' story, we were just about to begin the on-off play, and I remembered to bother him again, harping on the conditional play and he attempted to say “onanon” for On and “aughvagh” for Off. Voila, he tried! And then, of course, he was so elated with the on-off play that he was grinning ear to ear!

And an hour later, I happened to go out to the market to run some errands and I took Ash along that meant to be a walk for him, though he did not budge to remove his cozily parked seat off my hips. It happens sometimes… this guy just does not bother to think about his feet!

And, while carrying him around, he is often too excited about something or the other on the busy main road and I acknowledge it by naming what he points at or if he gets too uncomfortably silent, I tend to start exclaiming things to get his interest back and by chance, I happened to see two boys standing in a bus stop, and happened to point Ash in their direction and show to him the ‘anna’ (elder brother) around there.

Now, wrt the word anna, he has been introduced to the word long ago with his cousin, Varun, having been around umpteen times. Whenever Ash sees Varun, Ash always chases him around the house and is all too fond of Varun ‘anna’ that Ash, though he is five to six years younger to himself, hits him with all his might and poor Varun stands all the pain, for the sweet fellow that he is.

Back to the bus stop scene—and as a hapless mother who wants to hear her son speak, I was only too greedy to ask him to say anna, and there he went... ‘a n n a’.

My God! So endearing it was; as if it was hearing a devotee beseech for something by saying his almighty's name. His anna is charming for one reason that when he says his ‘anna’, neither does he fold his tongue inwards, nor does he take the tip of his tongue to the root of his upper set of the teeth; he brings his teeth between his upper and lower set of the teeth.

By the way, all my other tries, subsequent to this major breakthrough, have been very depressing and in vain; a few such as trying to get ‘banana’ out of his mouth though he was successful in saying ‘bah’ for bus and ‘nana’ after the anna incident; and when he was trying to take his three-wheeled cycle outside the half-open door, I asked him to say oh-pen; and after bouts of disapproval, he said ‘oh’ and did not give in to saying pen! Another long-lasting try has been he being able to discretely say ‘papa’ and ‘yayaya’ and not ‘pa-paah-ya’.

But, I must say that this week has been a week of success, because, all these days, he had been pointing to the right picture when held and asked questions about which of the two is amma or appa. This week, I showed him the pictures and managed to make him say which of it ‘amma’ and ‘appa’. He seemed to enjoy the act as well.

Well, I wanted to tell myself this: Just because, I had borne a son, it does not mean that this blog must turn into an all-exclusive blog on my son’s growing up acts (now you get the point on how desperately, I have been trying to hold back the umpteen offline thoughts from being online); however, this post is an exception (at least, I hope it is). I want to think that this post is for people who would understand the pains of a growing mother who wants to desperately make her son say something meaningful and to who say that it is the problem of working mothers, that working mothers end up making their kids speechless. Of course, no matter what, there is always the ‘trying-hard’ part with anyone who has a kid!