Parenting

 

If you buy a dog

and expect someone else

to walk, to play with it 

and teach the tricks

Then, isn’t it unreasonable 

to ask unconditional love from it

Of course connection is love 

and it compounds with

the amount of time invested

~ 12 Jul 25

Bittersweet

You were like my love for coffee 

that I picked late in life

I loved the sweetness, 

but it came at some cost 

After denial came acceptance

of the fact that I cannot take you

with your innate bitterness.

So, I had no choice but to let go.

But that I still love coffee 

is also undeniable. 

As is with you.

So, I won't mind bearing you,

with ‘a pinch of’ sugar, 

which is just occasionally.

Certainly, now the wrestling

in my mind is settled.

Can I call this closure?

If yes, it did take a while…

Peace, now!

~ 10 Apr 2025

Puncture

My torn heart 

lets your words of yesteryears sew me

unaware that 

the needle eye is no more

~ 10Apr25

Quarantine and Teens

 

Well, this comparison came to me this morning: about my state of being when I was in COVID quarantine and dealing with a teenager. I know it would sell for a good meme, but since it's not my area of expertise though it may be something I would love to consume, I will just have to stick to writing it down.

Put on the masks aka Talk less

Maintain safe distance

Eat healthy

Sleep on time

Exercise for sure

Practice mindfulness aka yoga aka meditation

~ 06Apr25

Glad

 

You were the song in loop

That was all over me.

Now, I am over you.

~ 05 July 24

Death - The end stage

 

From 

Able to brittle 

Coherent to fuzzy

Thriving to surviving 

Sufficient to dependent

At times

the coming of the end

is not too sudden 

to realize or

to stop the hazard

But

happens like the sunset

slow and elusive 

and difficult to prevent

~ 09 June 2024

Being Pencils

[This, I am writing with a 0.9 mm lead microtip pencil. Well, it would not really be a 'microtip' in its truest sense. It is a mechanical pencil. No need to sharp the pencil and no breaking of the lead because of the additional pressure that we may be applying because of lack of practice or the knack of using a microtip pencil. So, 0.9 mm is a good idea!]

We must be pencils, really... not pens.

Or rather... Aren't we better off, if we think of ourselves as the pencils that we used to write with when we were kids? Perhaps, we get too arrogant instead of the real reason for switching to a pen: being confident with spelling and writing.

With the pen, there is also the expectation that we ought not make mistakes. And beat ourselves too much over our mistakes; be judged by the rest or at least think we are being judged, while everyone makes the same mistakes of not getting it right every time.

Unless you are an open book (a pen that has a transparent body), we are never going to know, or let others know so they can tell you when you are running out of life. Unlike with a pencil, we really know what's happening to us, and when it is the end of life.

And since there's a steady flow of ink (basic trait of a pen), we think of it as a permanent state and never are prepared enough when we or the rest of us run out. But like with the pencil, we never must be, or can't be comfortable with our current state of affairs. Getting blunt is permanent: we just cannot sail through with what we know; else we get stale.

We must be really self-aware, and need to sharpen our saw, so as to be in the game for the long run. And it gets evident or shows up to the world when we are getting stagnated (the pencil getting blunt). Since we keep sharpening ourselves after realization, and since the cycle repeats until our end of life, it becomes a habit. The act of how to stay sharp and that we ought to stay sharp so that we are relevant and serve the purpose of our existence becomes ingrained in us, that it stays as part of the muscle memory. So, we get very efficient with the 'live-die-repeat' way of life. 

In addition, at times, the sharpening tool may be an external help; this serves as a reminder that we must stay humble and value the dear ones or even the ones that hurt us, who help us in the act of staying sharp. We cannot get everything done by ourselves. And, at times, too much in-dependency can create difficulties in terms of giving and receiving love.

And when accidents happen (like the breaking of the lead), we pick ourselves up, start again, sharpen, and run. But with the pen, when accidents happen (like when the pen tip malfunctions owing to a crash), it is usually the end of life even though you have a tank loaded with a good shade of ink.

And there are mundane things like even with a pen that has a full body of ink, if kept unused (the brain that is inactive), the ink goes dry and makes the pen not of much use. Unlike the case of a pen, the pencil is always ever-ready to be put to use.

And we know that with an eraser around, we can always stay corrected. So, there's scope for humbleness. Of course, there are correction pens for a pen to stay corrected, but hardly have I seen so many correction pens around, for the various types of pens.

Now, I guess that's enough reasons for us to be and stay as much as a pencil can be, instead of being the mighty pen!

~ March 07, 2024 - 24 min

The Wall in my Head

 

At times, I run through our past,

our exchanges and interactions,

like how I would feel a pretty wall,

but with some bumps and cracks.

And for each incident

I keep guessing a probability 

of the cause of the distance.

At times, I say I've gone past 

our state of affairs, 

which seems like it was more of 

my mind playing tricks

based on my expectations

you never met, 

or never had to meet.

Did I 

misread enthusiasm as affection

mistake impulse for attention

misjudge disinterest as preoccupation

misinterpret indifference as silence 

It perhaps was...

A perspective that you never had

An angle that you never viewed us from

Perhaps, the wall is in my head.

Who can tell?

~ 12 Jan, 2024

Cyclone

 

You are rude and rash 

You were loving and calm 

You only get a 'no-show'

from me for this 

Let's be kind and forgiving

Let's be friends again

Dear rain...

~ 03 Dec, 2023

Afloat

 

I am inside the vessel of life:

an object lying at rock bottom

waiting for the elixir of life 

I am thinking that I would be

content and immersed in love

when poured upon me

And when it really does,

I feel elated 

like the parched piece of land 

drenching in rain

But then,

I begin to realise that

I am only partially immersed

as love keeps drenching me

How i wish to be the stone

And not the ball full of vitality!

~ 17 nov 2023

Undress

 

Let me undress you

Real quick... 

I know how a partner 

would wish to get drenched 

by the love of their life

I won't let it go down the drain

cos you've worked so hard

in the scorching sun

to be at this point in life

But this is just not the time...

Dear hanger,

Let me undress you real quick.

I wouldn't mind missing the rain

Just this time!

~ 13 Oct 2023

Compassion and Joy

 

Today, I was at the supermarket picking vegetables and fruits for the week ahead. Among the few of them at the place, there was a really old granny who was also doing her veggie picking. She was accompanied by another old person who was relatively active for her age, and helping her with the buying process. 

At a point in time, I was a feet or so away from her. A moment had come when I had turned to notice her, and she was trying really very hard to bend down to deposit the cauliflower that she had picked, into her basket on the floor. Involuntarily, I reached out to her wrinkled hand, gently took the cauliflower from her, and placed it in her basket. She was obviously surprised by this act and even more surprised to notice that it was not one of the shop's staff who had helped her.

Of course she did not ask for help. Maybe, it could have turned out to be a bad experience for me for being vulnerable: for having taken the risk of offering her my help. In all possibilities, the granny could have been of the kind who gets offended by the fact that someone had doubted her capabilities. Thankfully, that was not the case. She was quick to notice what I just did and thanked me from the bottom of her heart. I accepted her thanks by smiling at her warmly, and moved on.

A few minutes passed by. Now, I was almost crouching to pick fruits from a crate that was placed on the floor. I was too engrossed because I was carefully checking if the fruits were free from insects. Just a few seconds into this act, I noticed someone stooping down to my level and speak to me in the gentlest of the voices I've heard anyone speak to me ever. It was the same old granny asking me to help her pick fruits from the same crate.

I was overwhelming with joy and was moved by the fact that she had welcomed my help in the first act and has now come back to me to take more help without hesitation.

I gladly helped her, and yet again accepted her thanks as well as her blessing that the God bless me abundantly!

~ 07 Oct 2023

Departure

 

For all that I would miss

My heart swells and emotions flare up 

Like the setting half moon in the west

that looks to have gravid and reddened.

I wonder if there's anything to quell...

But we know the drill:

To wait patiently is the key.

For there's hope in 

the many more ‘morrows to come!

~ 22 sep, 2023

Coconut

 

The coconut is 

like my hardheaded teenager.

I realise this after seeing 

the burning red mole-like scar 

on my little finger

This coconut that I held 

in my palm a few days ago 

And hit hard on its skull 

to get to the fruit...

As a retaliation, 

the split halves fought back 

to seal the crack,

biting my little finger

right at the circle of breach

~ Apr 28, 2023

Cigar

 

A tentative clothes peg

gripped the clothesline

Like

A cigar dangling on the

edges of an insouciant smoker

~ 07 Jan 2023

Reverence, Bliss, Thankful

 

There's rain these days

It is few and far between

for it's June.

Day after day,

busyness keeps me from

caressing the pleasure

On one such rainy night,

I close my eyes and lay 

supine on my bed, and pray: 

Don't lure me dear rain

I must rest enough 

to sail through the next day

And then, strangely,

I see flashes under my eyelids 

hear thunder beats in my heart

and feel the chill

of the drops from my skin.

I half-smile and say to myself:

Emulation is 

the best form of reverence,

isn't it?

Then comes my urge to write 

this phrase of bliss. But then,

I skip the thought, and persist

Sleep comes by yieldingly

When I wake up in the morning,

there is none of the usual

rush of troubled thoughts

Instead,

Bliss greets me with cheer 

like bird chirps in a forest creek

Days slip by, and yet...

the thought holds on patiently

Like a dutiful devotee

waiting to be seen,

My thoughts had to be blessed 

and freed by the words

Now, after this writing spree...

How thankful can I be!

~ 01 July 2022

Body Weeps

 

When I exercise

my body weeps profusely

in sweet gratitude

through each skin pore

Like how we break down

and pour our heart out 

spontaneously,

when we are waiting

for someone to ask about us,

and that thoughtful someone

comes by and checks in

on our deep pain

~ 29 Apr, 22

Torch

 

The morning east sky now looks 

blanched and pale blue

waiting for the orange yolk

Fifteen minutes ago

it was pinkish yellow

like yellow in the traffic lights

signalling us to be ready

Half an hour ago

it was a splendid pink 

announcing the arrival 

of the mighty sun

It all looked like someone

pressed their palm against

a torch's white light

and then revealed it.

~ 28 Apr 2022

The Name is Chi

 

In my living room

boys aged ten and twelve

spoke so matter-of-fact about

teen-pregnancy and termination

and with so much gumption 

The elders too listened

without reprehension, and

not a single being thought

it was impudent to discuss 

about who was the cause

Not one in the house 

judged, blamed, or cursed

the pregnant being for

such an act of promiscuity 

There was just sympathy.

Everyone's exclamation must

either be, what's with this family 

and how such insanity, or

oh! what amazing adults

and how so progressive!

But, neither is true.

Not that we are people 

who are absolutely carefree.

We were discussing 

about our cat so puny, and

whatever maybe the adversity

we'll take good care, 

in all our capacity, 

of cats named 'Chi'.

~ 13 Mar, 2022