List - After a long time!

 

Grounded, uninterrupted, blissful solitude, morning rain, piano in the background, the snuggle of the pet and its soft breath on my skin, chirping birds, panoramic terrace view, wet red tiles, occasional writing, reading, mind-wandering, photographing, connecting…

~ 13 Jul 2024

Glad

 

You were the song in loop

That was all over me.

Now, I am over you.

~ 05 July 24

Mistakes, Purpose, and Grace

 

Grace means that all your mistakes now serve a purpose instead of serving shame.

~ Brené Brown

Usually, we feel shame or beat ourselves over the mistakes that we've realised as mistakes. Say for example, the parenting mistakes that we make and realise, through cause and effect as well as exploration. If we are courageous enough, we make sure that we (re)learn the right way, change our ways, and act accordingly. And when we tell and help other parents in need, by way of communicating effectively to not do the same mistakes we did, then there's purpose and gracefulness in that act; even if the acts of ignorance were shameful, when we act with the purpose of relearning and sharing what we know, there is grace in it.

~ 15Jun24

Death - The end stage

 

From 

Able to brittle 

Coherent to fuzzy

Thriving to surviving 

Sufficient to dependent

At times

the coming of the end

is not too sudden 

to realize or

to stop the hazard

But

happens like the sunset

slow and elusive 

and difficult to prevent

~ 09 June 2024

Me, my son, and his mother

 

At times, I wonder 

how it would feel

to feel the tenderness 

that my son feels 

towards me

~ 21 mar, 24

The Buddha and Lao Tzu

 

My only solace was

that it wasn't fatal,

but something reparative 

But I replay in loop 

the seen and the unseen

of the untoward accident

based on the decision I made

I enact variations of the 

traumatic event

based on the decisions

I could have made

Despite the Buddha telling me

pain is inevitable, 

suffering is optional

Despite Lao Tzu telling me

living in the past is depressive, 

living in the future creates anxiety

Guilt and logic keeps swaying me

on each of its sides

as I walk on the tensed life rope

What's the point, if I know and yet

don't or can't remember?

I can only write, reread, shut, and 

wish myself Godspeed.

~  20 March, 24

Being Pencils

[This, I am writing with a 0.9 mm lead microtip pencil. Well, it would not really be a 'microtip' in its truest sense. It is a mechanical pencil. No need to sharp the pencil and no breaking of the lead because of the additional pressure that we may be applying because of lack of practice or the knack of using a microtip pencil. So, 0.9 mm is a good idea!]

We must be pencils, really... not pens.

Or rather... Aren't we better off, if we think of ourselves as the pencils that we used to write with when we were kids? Perhaps, we get too arrogant instead of the real reason for switching to a pen: being confident with spelling and writing.

With the pen, there is also the expectation that we ought not make mistakes. And beat ourselves too much over our mistakes; be judged by the rest or at least think we are being judged, while everyone makes the same mistakes of not getting it right every time.

Unless you are an open book (a pen that has a transparent body), we are never going to know, or let others know so they can tell you when you are running out of life. Unlike with a pencil, we really know what's happening to us, and when it is the end of life.

And since there's a steady flow of ink (basic trait of a pen), we think of it as a permanent state and never are prepared enough when we or the rest of us run out. But like with the pencil, we never must be, or can't be comfortable with our current state of affairs. Getting blunt is permanent: we just cannot sail through with what we know; else we get stale.

We must be really self-aware, and need to sharpen our saw, so as to be in the game for the long run. And it gets evident or shows up to the world when we are getting stagnated (the pencil getting blunt). Since we keep sharpening ourselves after realization, and since the cycle repeats until our end of life, it becomes a habit. The act of how to stay sharp and that we ought to stay sharp so that we are relevant and serve the purpose of our existence becomes ingrained in us, that it stays as part of the muscle memory. So, we get very efficient with the 'live-die-repeat' way of life. 

In addition, at times, the sharpening tool may be an external help; this serves as a reminder that we must stay humble and value the dear ones or even the ones that hurt us, who help us in the act of staying sharp. We cannot get everything done by ourselves. And, at times, too much in-dependency can create difficulties in terms of giving and receiving love.

And when accidents happen (like the breaking of the lead), we pick ourselves up, start again, sharpen, and run. But with the pen, when accidents happen (like when the pen tip malfunctions owing to a crash), it is usually the end of life even though you have a tank loaded with a good shade of ink.

And there are mundane things like even with a pen that has a full body of ink, if kept unused (the brain that is inactive), the ink goes dry and makes the pen not of much use. Unlike the case of a pen, the pencil is always ever-ready to be put to use.

And we know that with an eraser around, we can always stay corrected. So, there's scope for humbleness. Of course, there are correction pens for a pen to stay corrected, but hardly have I seen so many correction pens around, for the various types of pens.

Now, I guess that's enough reasons for us to be and stay as much as a pencil can be, instead of being the mighty pen!

~ March 07, 2024 - 24 min