Parenting

 

If you buy a dog

and expect someone else

to walk, to play with it 

and teach the tricks

Then, isn’t it unreasonable 

to ask unconditional love from it

Of course connection is love 

and it compounds with

the amount of time invested

~ 12 Jul 25

The Proof is in the Pudding

 

The little boy I knew

cared for all the bugs he knew

He would ask them to be handled safely

Though he’d see them later barely

He’d ask they not be hit

even the mosquitoes 

that gave him bad sores

He didn’t think twice

to cuddle me tight, or

press mine on to his face

He’d latch on to my back

without any reluctance

He’d ask for my hand 

before we slept

to squeeze his into mine

We’d play the nudge game

finding the patterns

and relaying them 

at the tips of our fingers

We’d go on and on, 

until sleep beseeched 

our tired end-of-day minds

These portals of playfulness 

were the proof of parenting

I thought so very proudly

Now, that he’s grown tall 

and gotten a teen mind

I miss the sweetness 

though the pudding is still mine

~ 12 Jul 25, 23 Jul 25

Oracle

 

Every parent must become the ‘oracle’ (of Delphi or of Matrix fame, I mean) that their kids want to go to. 

Everyone needs an oracle or oracles. You will need to believe that they will have the answers. They can also be books, the god, or your own self.

~ 07 Jun 25

Friends and Parents

 

For them, 

They are partners in crime 

We are parents in crime

~ 22 Jul 25

Intelligence and Obedience

 

Me thinks: Intelligence cannot be bundled as common sense, unless the person has suffered, or been there. 

Context: We tell our kids so many things that we've learnt after we've suffered and that which has become common sense to us. But expecting them to take that as common sense and expecting godspeed is unfortunately unrealistic. The paradox is that this intelligence has still not become common sense to me!

Serendipity or coincidence: In today's A Word A Day series from Anu Garg, in the thought for the today, he's mentioned George Orwell (from the book 1984), because it was his birthday on 25Jun25: 

OBEDIENCE IS NOT ENOUGH. Unless he is suffering, how can you be sure that he is obeying your will and not his own?

~26June26

A Family - Not Be Like

 

I am the mother of our offsprings

I can make food and take good care But I am not your lover I am the provider for our family

I can make money and buy things But not be your lover ~ 14Jul25

Quarantine and Teens

 

Well, this comparison came to me this morning: about my state of being when I was in COVID quarantine and dealing with a teenager. I know it would sell for a good meme, but since it's not my area of expertise though it may be something I would love to consume, I will just have to stick to writing it down.

Put on the masks aka Talk less

Maintain safe distance

Eat healthy

Sleep on time

Exercise for sure

Practice mindfulness aka yoga aka meditation

~ 06Apr25

For Dis-ease To Go

 

Physical

Cut a negative: Avoid eating junk food

Add a positive: Choose good food

Enhance: Do physical activity

Mental 

Cut a negative: Avoid anger

Add a positive: Sleep well

Enhance: Do breathwork

~21 Feb 2025

Mistakes, Purpose, and Grace

 

Grace means that all your mistakes now serve a purpose instead of serving shame.

~ Brené Brown

Usually, we feel shame or beat ourselves over the mistakes that we've realised as mistakes. Say for example, the parenting mistakes that we make and realise, through cause and effect as well as exploration. If we are courageous enough, we make sure that we (re)learn the right way, change our ways, and act accordingly. And when we tell and help other parents in need, by way of communicating effectively to not do the same mistakes we did, then there's purpose and gracefulness in that act; even if the acts of ignorance were shameful, when we act with the purpose of relearning and sharing what we know, there is grace in it.

~ 15Jun24

Death - The end stage

 

From 

Able to brittle 

Coherent to fuzzy

Thriving to surviving 

Sufficient to dependent

At times

the coming of the end

is not too sudden 

to realize or

to stop the hazard

But

happens like the sunset

slow and elusive 

and difficult to prevent

~ 09 June 2024

Me, my son, and his mother

 

At times, I wonder 

how it would feel

to feel the tenderness 

that my son feels 

towards me

~ 21 mar, 24

The Buddha and Lao Tzu

 

My only solace was

that it wasn't fatal,

but something reparative 

But I replay in loop 

the seen and the unseen

of the untoward accident

based on the decision I made

I enact variations of the 

traumatic event

based on the decisions

I could have made

Despite the Buddha telling me

pain is inevitable, 

suffering is optional

Despite Lao Tzu telling me

living in the past is depressive, 

living in the future creates anxiety

Guilt and logic keeps swaying me

on each of its sides

as I walk on the tensed life rope

What's the point, if I know and yet

don't or can't remember?

I can only write, reread, shut, and 

wish myself Godspeed.

~  20 March, 24

Forty days of Grief

 

Today it's day 37...

Will you believe if I say

I am wondering 

how each person will grieve 

if I die at this point in time!

I think I will soon become 

death personified...

~24feb24

Coconut

 

The coconut is 

like my hardheaded teenager.

I realise this after seeing 

the burning red mole-like scar 

on my little finger

This coconut that I held 

in my palm a few days ago 

And hit hard on its skull 

to get to the fruit...

As a retaliation, 

the split halves fought back 

to seal the crack,

biting my little finger

right at the circle of breach

~ Apr 28, 2023

When

 

When my twelve year old son says

'Limit your visits

I would not like to be seen with you'

When to ignore and when to take cue

When to cry out loud when to reflect

When to act ignorant

And when to act arrogant

It's the same son 

to whom I was once

the apple of his eyes

Now he looks at me

as his provider and not a parent

~ 20 March, 2022

A Piece of Pleasure

 

I always try sugar as an antidote 

for something that is spice

But overtime, I realise that 

it must be time

in place of sugar 

In the park, I was walking over 

my thoughts, my botherations

and at one point, my heart,

unable to bear anymore,

felt it would just burst

What's the antidote?

If it's sugar for spice

then, for sorrow it's pleasure...

Pleasure of sweet soothing talk

with my friend.

But I could not,

for such was my urgency

What could then be

a substitute?

How about bamboo?

Along the park's pathway

for every crossing, I ran my palm 

over the trunk of 

a well-grown bamboo that's 

strong, pleasing, and sweet

And with every passing

step and minute

my thoughts were getting clear

like clarified butter: it seemed

to share a part of it's power...

Though I knew it was always

time that's the healer,

for keepsakes, I collected

a piece of bamboo,

to remember and treasure

And named it 

a piece of pleasure

~ 07 - 11 Mar, 2022

Sledging

From a child to parent,

how much sledging

can a sane mind bear

until it breaks down?

Sledging, done in retaliation

to a parent's disciplining

Worst of times, 

the mind even thinks

if the mud-slinging 

done in disdain

is imagined or real, or

if it's worth the pain

How many cycles

of bend, break and build

do I endure

Until it gets totally insane

And until I say...

Do it to the him! 

Not me!

~ 06 Mar, 2022

 

Son in the Making

 

A mighty mountain

is built everyday

grain by grain

by sun and rain, and

by rest and resistance

So, everyday,

work bit by bit

nourish yourself with

food, water, and rest 

and put yourself to test 

06 Mar, 2022

Teenage Rush

I have been a teenager twice

Long ago, when I was young girl

And now, 

As a pre-teen boy, 

who's going through 

the puberty pangs 

inside an all-grown-up 

mid-life crisis body

giving company to my son

I have come to conclude 

that it must be really difficult 

dealing with a parent 

who has a boy in his teens.

~ 05 March, 2022

My Neem Tree Story

 

As a seed, as remains of 

what a bird found some use for

I was sown unawares, and

a flowerpot took care of me.

As a foliage, everyday,

I looked at the sky,

in all its splendor

And my grower too

awed at me in wonder.

I learnt and was busy all day.

My needs were plain

and I grew just fine.

When I outgrew my pot,

cognizant of my growth, 

my tender grower found me 

a suitable alternative 

in the same old high terrace.

Now...

I am the all-grown-up 

neem sap in a growbag.

All day, I am hungry for more.

Always drooping and sore,

I keep pondering about 

my mixed feelings:

If I stay where I am,

I am stuck and stifled.

With my roots drilling deep

and branches sprawling broad,

I have no room to grow

and my entire being,

body and soul,

keeps screaming for space.

Some fellow know-it-alls say

I am grown and seen enough

and must tend to myself...

The best I can do

is to adjust, stay happy, 

and be composed.

But there are times, when

I curse my fate, and

sulk at my inability to move.

I am also in a predicament:

If I leave, I have concerns

for my grower.

We've come this far,

and intertwined in our beings,

that we know not 

Who takes care of whom.

Who provides for whom.

And who gives or takes 

love from the other.

But I certainly do know that

this is not the way to do.

~ 15 Jan, 2022