Remembering 'Don't speak'

You and me
We used to be together
Everyday together always
I really feel
That I'm losing my best friend
I can't believe
This could be the end
It looks as though you're letting go
And if it's real
Well I don't want to know

Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me cause it hurts
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts

Our memories
Well, they can be inviting
But some are altogether
Mighty frightening
As we die, both you and I
With my head in my hands
I sit and cry

Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me cause it hurts (no, no, no)
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts

It's all ending
I gotta stop pretending who we are...

You and me
I can see us dying...are we?

Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me cause it hurts (no, no, no)
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts
Don't tell me cause it hurts!
I know what you're saying
So please stop explaining

Don't speak,
don't speak,
don't speak,
oh I know what you're thinking
And I don't need your reasons
I know you're good,
I know you're good,
I know you're real good
Oh, la la la la la la La la la la la la
Don't, Don't, uh-huh Hush, hush darlin'
Hush, hush darlin' Hush, hush
don't tell me tell me cause it hurts
Hush, hush darlin' Hush, hush darlin'
Hush, hush don't tell me tell me cause it hurts.

~ Eric Stefani, Gwen Stefani

Grief

I am now, A betrayer of the past that I ought to be faithful to and A slave of the misgiving present. Because, eventhough we are so-close-yet-so-far in this 'the longest period' that we have lived together after nearly a decade of solitude, The conversations between me and you is a festering wound... My words, the oozing pus, an outcome of the tussle, between our forgotten past and the unforgiving present. And often and everytime, I wish I could be sweeter to you overlooking your inabilities to foster the beautiful kinship that is now an almost was...

Rain treasure

I see...

Hope on the burgeoning barren tree, Platinum on the waxy lotus platter, Gold at the tip of bamboo blades, Black diamond on the umbrellas, Emerald on the tender foliage, Sapphire on the washed skies, Garnet on the rose petals, Satin on smooth roads, Happiness in my mind, Warmth in my heart, Spirit in my life.

Let it be...

Well, I don't have anything to say
but only helpless questions
for which I do have an answer, 'let it be'
The only answer that I found for myself,
the only convincing one,
in the music and words of 'Let it be'

Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be,
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.
Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be,
Yeah, there will be an answer, let it be.

When I find myself in times of trouble,
mother Mary comes to me,
speaking words of wisdom, 'let it be.'
And in my hour of darkness
she is standing right in front of me,
speaking words of wisdom, 'let it be.'

Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be.
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.

When the broken-hearted people
living in the world agree,
there will be an answer, let it be.
For though they may be parted
there is still a chance that they will see,
there will be an answer, let it be.

Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be,
Yeah, there will be an answer, let it be.
Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be,
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.

Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be,
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.

And when the night is cloudy,
there is still a light that shines on me,
shine until tomorrow, let it be.
I wake up to the sound of music,
mother Mary comes to me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.

Let it be, let it be, let it be, Yeah let it be,
there will be an answer, let it be.
Let it be, let it be, let it be, Yeah let it be,
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.

Translation of Unnarugil Varugayil from Kalloori

You enthrall me with your presence,
You are the reason, my sweetheart...
that I am always at loss.

Ecstasy seeps into me,
And I feel I am on the brink of fame
Just when I hear your name.
My shadow departs me to joins yours;
I defy myself and I get reckless.
I briefly assay,
and my heart has nothing to say.

Though I succeed in staying faraway
from the thought of your eyes,
your heart conquers mine, and
I don't have the heart to resist.
I tell myself a million times
to deviate from the path of yours;
I deviate and yet you reach me!
Now, I can do nothing but to stop.

My soul, my persona, my ego
all seem to take a new form.
My friends speak, though,
my ears refuse to fall by the norm.

Make me understand...
Is this how love deals with agonies?
or are these consequences of my desire?

How I wish to experience with you
all my life's pain and joy again?
While I pine for you relentlessly
time slaves me and burns me into ashes,
through every second that it is with me.

I wish to speak a million words
right into your eyes,
I wish to grasp all the flowers
that blossom in my dreams,
I wish to find the abode of God
and decipher the mystery of love,
I wish to break my heart's shackles
and the need to conduct my senses...
All but in vain!

I seem to gallivant
in your eye's direction,
and wait forever, with all my faith
for your gaze to set onto my eyes.
You trouble me
like a lie locked in my heart,
Albeit, I still try to hide you
and yet, my eyes let me down...

In love, but I win!

Six hours and a few days. This was the time that I spent trying to find a competent English lyrical replacement of this beautiful song 'Unnargil varugayil...' from the movie Kalloori.

The overall experience was even similar to falling in love. Initially, I felt an urge to win over the song by being able to come up with an equally competent English version. I attempted to pull through mindlessly, by sheer pride. But then, the initial excitement faded away, and I felt miserable as I could not do justice to the song. I realized that I was not being honest in my intention—of feeling the song and then be inspired to render. It tormented me and guilt prevailed. A few days later, after realizing the mistake that I did, and after listening to the song over and over again, I felt the pleasure and the charm of the song.

My previous renditions were Kannathil muthamittal, Minnalae, and Nee partha paarvaikku. Each song had extremes of emotions and it was quite easy for me get evoked. I mean we listen to a thousand love songs in a day. And to translate it, the song must be really special to be able to create the enthusiasm that you decide to invest some of your efforts and emotions. But this song is special—as in, even though it is a light love song, yet there was something unique about its rhythm and structure. The specialty of the structure of this song is that the pallavi repeats itself thrice in the beginning of the song and not a single verse repeats itself later.

The song flows through like a marathon and that too effortlessly. The best part is that the orchestration is very ordinary and yet the song stands apart for its simplicity, innovative structure, and the beautiful lyrics. Na Muthukumar has beautifully captured the plight of the ones in love and I am speechless to describe about Joushua Shridhar's tune to this song. The usual style of music in typical love songs or any song for that matter is that there are about three tunes: one for pallavi, one for the two saranams, and perhaps one more for the music between the pallavi and the saranam. With this song, I could not believe that there are at least about ten unique tunes in this one song!

I must say it was sheer pleasure working on the 'free translation' of the tamil lyrics of Unnarugil Varugayil from Kalloori. Coming soon...

Dated: May 04 - May 07, 2009

Yesterday...

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away,
Now it looks as though they're here to stay,
Oh, I believe in yesterday.

Suddenly, I'm not half the man I used to be,
There's a shadow hanging over me,
Oh, yesterday came suddenly.

Why she had to go I don't know, she wouldn't say.
I said something wrong, now I long for yesterday...

Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play,
Now I need a place to hide away,
Oh, I believe in yesterday.

Why she had to go I don't know, she wouldn't say.
I said something wrong, now I long for yesterday...

Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play,
Now I need a place to hide away,
Oh, I believe in yesterday...

This is some late realization, I accept. But then, such an amazing, simple, beautiful, heart-wrenching song this is... by The Beatles. Something that would stay close to my heart and mind.

Competition

The urge to compete with self or others is an instinctive and deeply rooted feeling in quite a number of individuals, especially kids. What is important is to identify what evokes the spirit of competition in them.

One morning, I was walking relatively relaxed towards the bus stop—relaxed enough to notice trivial things that often catches us unaware and lets us revel. There were the usual scenes of dog walkers, the man who cycles his son to the school and never forgets to draw the cross as he passes by the church, the cycle man who dutifully sits by the side of his for-hire cycles and wears the looks of a dad who has that many number of aging unmarried daughters, the grocer who never feels bored to sell the same goods to the same people with the same enthusiasm and rigor, the dry wood godown that has its casuarinas stacked all in order and the cold coal on the floor gathering some heat from the mellow morning sun, the work-in-progress lamppost around the corner of the road pretending to be a banyan tree with all the thick black wires hanging from top to bottom, the vengeful blacksmith who strikes the iron while its hot and the onlookers who see their instruments of work getting ready, the bustling government gym, and the me who is wondering about the oft-repeating dream where I run really hard across the connecting corridors of my school and climb down the stairs two steps at a time with utmost precision to reach the back gate of my school.

There was also this very small puny school boy sporting his green t-shirt with some white printed letters hiding behind his backpack, white shorts, his hair oiled and kempt—I can even hear the instructions that his mom gave him while combing his hair, the tightly pulled up socks that covered his shank, the matt-finished white shoes with a green band that ran all along the periphery of his shoes, walking brisk and carefree.

So it is me and small kid in the picture now... He would not have caught my attention if he had not tried to reach one of the strings hanging outside the petty shops that display their liabilities. This is what exactly happened: while he was walking, he thrust some pressure onto his toes and sprung up and touched the string with his head. I was amazed at this gesture that made me conclude that there is nothing unique about me when I try to reach the beams of a roof with my finger tips.

With just this act of his, he managed to evoke a smile and gather all my attention. At this stage, we were walking by the side of each other and this continued for about 20 seconds. Believe me—to maintain the same pace as mine, the kid really had to take at least twice as many steps that I took for the same duration. He was obviously trying to beat me. And the moment I realized him, I wanted to test his intent or rather, my intent. I increased my pace and went ahead and in the next a few seconds, I did really witness him inching closer to me. Finally, I let him feel good by lagging behind...

November Rain

Bleached skies, blistered window panes Dutiful warriors fighting the rain armed with the spokes and black arch. Incessant rains, incessant deaths. Bleeding roads--bleeding green instead of red. Helpless trees: do you ever repent the death of a thousand leaves? 'cos you bring the rain but the rains betray you...

You are too good...

I am inside a moving train that wont let me hear, feel, or smell you You are far away blessing everyone with flourish blooming the blushing pink to red replenishing the reservoirs reciprocating your love to the tree-tops and the grass roots waking the slumbering leaflets with your gentle pats and taps letting the satin clouds sweep and kiss its lady love at the top of the mountains you are too good, despite the streaks of rashes that you create on my window panes...

Theory of relativity

Painstaking self-accomplishments made in the past five years looks far too easier and quicker than the goals that I plan to achieve between now and the end of the fifth year from now.

time off thoughts...

feet's feel of a dry restroom floor crows that imitate the celebration of a footballer's goal work-life in fast lane and life in safe mode parentish body-language of an offspring coherent flow of thoughts retentivity of thoughts till you find a pen delicious breakfast of dinner left-overs self-indulgences of a martinet an unintrusive stranger in a journey

Buddha

Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it.

- Buddha

Some Thoughts

A wonderful painting is the result of the feeling in your fingers. If you have the feeling of the thickness of the ink in your brush, the painting is already there before you paint. When you dip your brush into the ink you already know the result of your drawing, or else you cannot paint. So before you do something, "being" is there, the result is there. Even though you look as if you were sitting quietly, all your activity, past and present, is included, and the result of your sitting is also already there.
~ D.T. Suzuki

I must learn to love the fool in me - the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries. It alone protects me against that utterly self-controlled, masterful tyrant who I also harbor and who would rob me of human aliveness, humility, and dignity but for my fool.
~ Theodore I. Rubin

My Current State of Mind...

Happiness does not come from doing easy work but from the afterglow of satisfaction that comes after the achievement of a difficult task that demanded our best.

~ Theodore Isaac Rubin quotes (American Writer and psychiatrist b.1923)

Your imperfections...

The maverick tooth that did not align with the others The marginal squint that shows up on your portraits The stubborn dimple that refuses to smile The wanderer in you who meanders The temper that stuns a tsunami The mind that thinks The tongue that stings

Eureka!

The sky thinks a lot on a cloudy day!

I am You

I tend to act the same good way I heard someone say about me like how I try to be the replica of the portrait in which others considered me to be handsome.

Reminder:

I am a bird. I must not walk.

Love. Fear. Sorrow.

i didn't realise how diverted i was until you looked at me, and only then my reflexes realised that i must set my stealthy eyes off you. It is the most fearful when you relate discrete events or objects to the death of someone close to you. True tears are those that you wept while you were imagining a world without the someone whom you value. i love your presence and fear your death...